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Are You Taking Care of Yourself During this Scary New Backlash?

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We’ve entered a new era in the struggle for equality, diversity and inclusion. For many it feels as if the legal gains made over the last fifty years are about to be rolled back – and with a vengeance. The politics of those leading this backlash from the top down are blatantly ugly, openly mean, and marked by unbelievable cruelty. “Vengeance” is a key word in many of their minds and the most extreme talk is about the further marginalization, criminalization, and even elimination of those who have been members of marginalized groups in the past. Things don’t look good, and in almost all sectors of society, major judicial and political institutions, dominant corporations, radical and loud religious sects, and the power-hungry are supporting those who lead the backlash or are too afraid to fight against it. LGBTQ people, people of color, recent immigrants, and women are rightfully concerned about what this all means for their livelihoods, relationships, healthcare, families, and public ex...
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Now Is Not the Time to Criticize Leadership in LGBTQ+ Communities

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With the increased political and social pressures and threats against LGBTQ+ people these days, it’s not the time to do anything that would discourage leadership. But the fact that criticism of activist leaders is a predictable response even in less threatening environments means it’s something anyone who tries to lead or speak out for a group that’s been hurt by society is likely to experience. So, if you ever try to do anything that might be seen as leadership in LGBTQ+ communities, you’re going to be ridiculed, accused of all sorts of evil motives, and just plain attacked from within. And it’s most likely to happen in the most public of forums.   Have you tried to lead a pride festival? Well, you haven’t done it right. Tried to edit a newsletter or magazine? You’re misusing your power. Stood up to find yourself the public spokesperson for a cause? You aren’t qualified to speak for us. Started a movement? You don’t even have yourself together. Your motives are suspect. Your incom...
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After That Election, Feeling Bad Might Just Be Good

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Well, I’ll be processing my feelings about the election for some time to come. I’ve noticed that they parallel the well-known seven stages of grief - shock and disbelief, denial, guilt and bargaining, sadness and regret, and anger. I haven’t made it through yet to the final stages of acceptance and hope, but I’m working on it. There’s so much disappointment in the fellow Americans who didn’t see the candidates the way I did. Maybe it was ignorance, but maybe what I saw that disgusted me about the eventual “winner” actually appealed to them. Maybe his appeal was that he hated the same people his voters hated. Maybe it was denial that no matter what he said, no one could really be that cruel and self-centered. Maybe it showed that old-fashioned racism, sexism, homophobia, and transphobia are more central to the worldviews of his voters than we imagined. There seems to be enough evidence for any or all of this combining to enable him to scare the living daylights out of people with his pa...
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Ready or Not – Here Come Those Family Holidays

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I have a good friend who dreads the holiday season, saying: “The holidays are upon my a##.” But it’s here anyway with all those upcoming expectations of Norman-Rockwell-print warm, loving, accepting images of Thanksgivings, Hanukkahs, and Christmas celebrations where families gather together to try to recreate them. They’re usually laden with consumer goods that buy perfect gatherings along with national myths to “explain” why we’re supposed to be joyful about it all. Yet, the reality is that many are “celebrating” with depression and disappointment. Even suicide rates increase this time of year. I wonder how many people actually experience the joy they expect, rather than find these to be anniversaries of exhausting, dysfunctional family pasts. It’s no wonder that streaming movies such as National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation , Home for the Holiday, or even the Home Alone series now constitute holiday traditions. Maybe most of us long for pasts that today’s nostalgia has us believin...
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